great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
