OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
