whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
