If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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