They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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