he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
