Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
