You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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