Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
