i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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