maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
