just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
