Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I think i peed on brittanys purse
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
