i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
