Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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