Yo dont text me then not text me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
