I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
This house was built for laser tag.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
