watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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