Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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