Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
