think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
