Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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