I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
