she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
