Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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