Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
