Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
