I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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