i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
