just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
