well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
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