Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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