I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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