We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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