I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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