she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
