I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
