I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
