This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
