you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
