I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
