"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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