Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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