didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
