I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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