I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
