the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
