I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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