Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
