I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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