the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
